


Five More Minutes

by WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken



Series: We either make it, or break it. [11]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: (?), (author cried a lot during writing), Angst, Bittersweet, Depressing, Established Relationship, Gen, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Sad, Survival, Tissue Warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22246684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken/pseuds/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken
Summary: If we had five more minutes of air,Would you panic and hide?Or run for your life?Or stand here and spend them with me?When the end of the world is there, Jisung and the rest of Stray Kids have to try to keep themselves afloat in a world where up is down and right is left and where it is never guaranteed that you’d live to see another day.It is daunting and heavy but if Jisung had to point out one good thing that had come from this, it would be Minho.But it was only going to last so long.One day there would be no oxygen left for them to breathe.And Jisung and Minho knew they’d have to say goodbye when that time came.If we had five more minutes…Would I… could I… make you happy?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: We either make it, or break it. [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1439083
Comments: 8
Kudos: 94





	1. The Moment Of Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by Billie Eilish - The End Of The World.
> 
> I suggest you listen to that song. Please, its a great song.  
> Very sad, very gripping in my opinion.

They were running out of rations quickly. _Too_ quickly. 

Chan had mentioned their lack of food and fresh water about a month ago but no one had been too concerned about it. After all, they always managed to find what they needed in time before they actually had to come up with an emergency plan.

Their luck had to run out at some point, right?

‘’Our best bet is to either get to a relatively unknown mall, warehouse or harbour,’’ Seungmin said, voice muffled by the mask as he pointed to the map laying on the old and dusty table, ‘’They’d probably have a lot of stuff stocked up, maybe even oxygen-tanks if we’re lucky,’’

Jisung leaned over to look what the boy was pointing at but let himself fall back into the chair when he couldn’t make out the scribbles. They were messy and the map was hard to read even without them, stained with unidentifiable marks and ripped at the edges.

Fortunately for him, Jisung wasn’t required to understand. They had Seungmin, Jeongin and Chan for that.

‘’But how do you think we can get there without being noticed?,’’ Chan asked, brows furrowed in concentration, ‘’I think we’re not the only ones who want to get there at some point,’’

The others hummed and Jisung saw them frowning as he looked at them one-by-one until he reached the last person.

He couldn’t help but smile fondly as he eyed the older, eyes sharp and focussed as he stared at the table.

‘’How about we scout first?, ‘’ Jisung tried, grimacing when the edges of the mask dug into his cheeks, ‘’Me, Hyunjin and Changbin could go check it out first?,’’ 

How he wished he could just rip the thing off.

But he couldn’t.

They couldn’t.

Oxygen levels had now dropped to an almost non-existent number and they wouldn’t be able to survive for a minute without those pesky masks connected to their tiny oxygen-tanks.

Minho’s head snapped up at the suggestion and Jisung could already hear the older’s disapproval before he had even opened his mouth.

They had a stare-down for a couple of seconds until the older blinked and dropped his head back to the map.

‘’No,’’

Jisung let out a huff, ‘’Come on, we have done so before. We can do it,’’

It wouldn’t be the first time the trio went out to scout. 

The first time they had done so was right after everything had gone to hell and half of the group had been trying to find Minho, Chan and Woojin. Jisung had been the first one to drag himself through the remains of the company building to check out what was going on, Hyunjin and Changbin soon following after making sure the others were alive and well.

The second time was a couple of days later, when they had to find a new batch of oxygen-tanks. They had been hiding somewhere in the country side and needed to get back to a city to get what they wanted, but they had so happened to find themselves on route to one of the biggest warehouses in the country. 

It was bound to attract people and so the trio had convinced the others that they’d keep watch as the others made the trip.

So this would be the third time and Jisung was pretty sure they’d be able to pull it off once again. After all, they hadn’t run into other people for weeks. Most of the population would surely be dead by now, leaving the rest of the remaining people feeling slightly less scared of running into other groups.

‘’I said no, Jisung,’’ Minho repeated once again, his voice almost a low grumble, ‘’You are not going. End of discussion,’’

‘’Minho,’’ Woojin tried, but the other shushed him by sending a glare.

Jisung saw the others’ eyes darting from him to Minho and back, adding to the growing tension in the room. 

When Minho had started calling the shots instead of Chan or Woojin, Jisung didn’t know but he had to admit he didn’t like it. Minho was never going to let him help out in any kind of way if there was even the slightest chance Jisung was going to get hurt.

He wasn’t a baby.

Minho would probably think differently, but that was _his_ problem and not Jisung’s.

‘’Let’s call it a night and figure it out tomorrow okay?,’’ Chan intercepted, ‘’We’ve had a long day,’’

Jisung saw the other zero-liners and Jeongin nod before they slowly stepped away from the table, wishing each other good night before disappearing into different corners of the room. There wasn’t much privacy left these days, but they tried nonetheless by spreading out as much as possible without losing the safety of numbers.

Jisung heaved himself out of the chair, admittedly upset. He could practically feel Minho’s eyes burn on his back as he waddled over to the make-shift bed in the left corner but managed to keep his back towards the guy, not really feeling up for seeing the anxiety rooted in Minho’s irises.

He had to admit that he hated going to sleep feeling like this, but he didn’t want to end up fighting with Minho.

So he soundlessly shrugged his jacket off, unclipped the knife holster on his thigh and threw the items next to their ‘bed’ before slipping under the blanket.

It was old, full of holes and smelled weird and Jisung’s skin itched as soon as it touched the fabric, but he couldn’t complain. He had to be grateful that they even _had_ blankets to keep them somewhat warm at night.

Not that they helped much, not when it was wrapped around him alone.

He shifted the little tank and turned to his side, facing the wall to prevent him from looking at the older members still talking around the table in hushed voices.

He tried to let the whispered voices lull him to sleep, but of course it didn’t work and even though he was upset with Minho, he wished the older would just hurry the fuck up and come to bed because Jisung was cold and it felt too lonely without Minho next to him.

He patiently waited and then finally he heard the older members mutter a ‘good night’ and people moving. The blanket got lifted and Jisung let out a sigh when Minho slipped under them, turning to his side and throwing his arm over the younger’s waist.

‘’Don’t be upset,’’ the older whispered, his forehead finding a place between Jisung’s shoulder blades, ‘’You know we suspect other people in the area. I just want you to be safe,’’

Jisung knew that, but they were never really safe.

‘’Hyung, that just isn’t realistic and you know that,’’ Jisung stated as he turned around to look the older in the eyes, ‘’And you can’t play favourites whenever it pleases you,’’

Minho didn’t respond at that but Jisung saw the conflict on the older’s face, a certain sorrow passing through like lightning striking that lone tree in an abandoned field.

But Jisung was there in that field as well and too close and he felt the impact jolting him. And it hurt, but that was just how things were.

The arm disappeared from his waist and a rough and calloused hand found it’s place on the side of his neck, Minho’s thumb tracing delicate circles on his skin. 

Jisung couldn’t stop himself from shuffling closer, closer, closer. So close that he could now feel the heath radiating from Minho, gently melting away this ever-present fear and pain.

For now.

It was only a matter of time before it returned but Jisung forced himself not to think about that. He could do that in the afterlife - or wherever it was people would go – but not now. 

For now, he let himself drown in those ethereal brown eyes staring at him with so much love and adoration that Jisung felt his heart skip a beat and make a loop before it settled back in its place behind his ribcage.

‘’I know,’’ Minho finally whispered after a minute or two and Jisung got zapped out of his dream-like state, ‘’But I’m terrified,’’

Jisung knew that feeling all too well and the lone teardrop that escaped the older’s eyes hit him like a truck, but he refused to go to sleep feeling sad. They did that too much already.

Minho’s arm found his waist again and pulled Jisung even closer – if that was even possible - as Jisung gently wiped away the wetness on the older’s face.

‘’We all are hyung. It’s okay,’’

He managed to force a smile on his face and even though the older technically wouldn’t be able to see it, the message seemed to get across when Minho’s eyes softened.

They stayed like that, staring into each other’s eyes, Jisung letting out a satisfied hum as Minho’s hand had made it under the hem of his shirt to rest on his hip. 

Jisung imagined them being in the dorms, laying in a comfortable bed and tired after a day of dance practise and recordings. He imagined wearing a comfortable pair of sweatpants and one of Minho’s hoodies. He imagined the smell of vanilla and something a bit more musky coming from the older and his mind slowing down after a hectic day. He imagined snuggling a bit closer to the older and lips leaving butterfly-like kisses on his temples and cheeks…

And as if Minho could read his mind, Jisung got pulled on top of the older, leaving him blinking sleepily as he shuffled down a bit so he could comfortably rest his head on Minho’s chest.

‘’I want to kiss you,’’ the older whispered and the arms around Jisung tightened.

Jisung’s throat closed up and a stuttering breath left his lips, wincing when the mask dug into his cheeks yet again.

‘’I know hyung,’’ Jisung muttered softly, focussing on playing with the fabric of the other’s shirt to distract him from that stinging in his eyes, ‘’I really want that too,’’

Technically they would be fine with slipping the masks off for a second and they’d talked about that, but they were both scared that once they did it would only make things worse. Because if they did, there was probably no going back, only going forward until they reached a dead end of too much want but never getting enough. 

And the younger could feel Minho fall apart for a second when he let out a heavy sigh, followed by fingers digging into Jisung’s skin.

At night, Minho would fall apart more often than Jisung could really handle. He could barely keep himself from slipping and when the older would dangerously sway, it gave Jisung that last push. 

It never came with loud sobs or frantic words or panicked breathing, but with trembling fingers and restricted breaths and too much blinking.

And the grip on Jisung would almost turn painful as he let the tears escape but not enough to distract either of them from this heavy feeling crushing down on them.

More often than not, it ended with unrealistic promises and misplaced hope, denying their inevitable faith by talking about useless things like when their next coffee-date was going to be.

When their first _real_ date was going to be.

If there was one thing Jisung regretted about doing before everything went to hell, it would be hopelessly trying to ignore that pull towards the older.

He wasn’t dumb – the others would probably beg to differ – so of course he had noticed Minho had felt it as well, but with the nature of their jobs and society as a whole, they had never let themselves plunge.

They didn’t talk about it, didn’t act on it but acknowledged it was there and stayed dangerously close to the edge, neither of them willing to either slip or flee.

But now that wasn’t necessary anymore and they’d jumped.

It had taken them a couple of weeks after _it_ and a few days to find their footing, but now they were both firmly rooted and weaved together and even though there was barely anything left to be happy about, Jisung was flying.

Nothing much had changed if Jisung was being honest. However, the tinge of melancholy whenever he thought of Minho was gone. Because now they didn’t have to dance around each other all the time and could finally let go.

He snapped out of it when warm hands made their way up his back, leaving his skin scorching as they settled near his shoulder blades.

Jisung appreciated the skin-on-skin contact. It helped him stay grounded and present and out of his head for long enough to forget about whatever dreadful scenario it had tried to come up with.

Minho let out another deep sigh and Jisung felt himself getting sleepier as he listened to the steady beating of the older’s heart.

‘’I love you,’’ Minho whispered, voice drowsy and laced with exhaustion.

Jisung gripped the older’s shirt tightly, ‘’I love you too,’’

He got a hum as response and Jisung knew that Minho was trying to stay awake in order to have some more time together without the rest hanging around, but it had been a long day and they needed sleep. 

‘’Sleep hyung,’’ Jisung whispered, Minho’s words replaying over and over in his head, ‘’Tomorrow’s a new day,’’

And Minho didn’t need to know that Jisung had to silence his crying as the older drifted off to sleep.

The next day was indeed a new day, but didn’t bring anything good with it.

One moment Jisung was still running around in endless purple fields, laughing loudly as the other members goofed off around him, Minho catching up with him and tackling him to the ground, soft touches and beaming smiles and giggles and Minho’s lips on his while the sun engulfed them in its warmth and everything good.

And the next, Jisung’s eyes flew open and all he could see was smoke.

It was disorienting but his brain understood it was wrong. He pushed himself off Minho and effectively woke the older up.

‘’Sung?,’’ the older rasped but Jisung ignored him and found Minho’s arms with trembling fingers.

Luckily, Minho seemed to snap out of his haze and Jisung saw his eyes widen before he let Jisung drag him onto his feet.

Then there was shouting and footsteps echoing through the building and before he knew it, Jisung was getting dragged to the middle of the room by his wrist.

More shouting and stomping and Jisung realised that there were other people inside.

They got to the table and Jisung let out a sigh of relieve when the others emerged from the smoke and stumbled towards them as well, eyes wide in panic.

‘’Grab what you can, now! And get your asses back here in ten seconds!,’’ Chan hissed and then they quickly dispersed again, vanishing in the big cloud of smoke.

Jisung didn’t have time to think about what exactly was going on when Minho roughly pushed him to the floor and kept pushing until Jisung was tucked away underneath the table and hidden from sight.

‘’Stay. Don’t you dare move,’’

And just like that Minho spun around and dashed off, leaving Jisung anxiously waiting for… something.

So he just counted but when he was at six, a door somewhere banged open and he heard people rushing into the room.

Jisung dug his fingers into the palms of his hands and deep down he knew that this wasn’t going to end well. It seemed like people had figured out that they were here and came looking for supplies, probably ready to kill any of them off for a measly can of corn.

He hadn’t noticed that Minho had returned until he got tugged away from underneath the table and onto his feet, his eyes stinging because of the smoke. In his spiralling mind he managed to do a quick scan and saw that everyone was here, all hastily stuffing things into their backpacks and checking their pockets.

Minho turned him around harshly and then Jisung was suddenly wearing his jacket again. Then the backpack followed and he let out a hiss as Minho pulled his arm back a little too far.

‘’Sorry,’’ the older rushed out as he dropped to his knees and clipped Jisung’s knife holster around the younger’s thigh before straightening back up.

He saw Woojin doing a quick headcount. 

And then they ran.

Fortunately they had been smart enough to learn the ins-and-outs of wherever they stayed as soon as they settled in case of situations like the one they found themselves in now. 

They rounded corner after corner and the smoke grew less dense the further they got and Jisung could finally breathe again. He almost felt like they were going to be fine until a loud scream came from somewhere behind him.

The others in front of him halted and spun around and Jisung soon followed, dread seeping into his veins.

And there was Minho, laying on his back as someone straddled him and tried to pull the mask and little tank away from the older.

Jisung’s legs moved on instinct and the panic grew when Minho’s mask got ripped away from his mouth.

No.

He saw Minho trying to push the other away, mouth tightly shut.

No.

Then Jisung noticed how red Minho’s face was getting and how his movement turned sluggish, making it possible for the man to hold onto his wrists with one hand, the other free to tug at the band holding the tank.

They couldn’t do that.

Minho would choke to death.

He reached the two and in a fit of blind panic, Jisung launched himself at the figure with everything he had, effectively pushing him off Minho. How he had been able to do that, he didn’t understand but he did notice how tense his muscles were and how rapid his breathing was. Thank god for adrenaline. 

The man ended up on his back with Jisung half sprawled over him and when Jisung whipped his head to the side, he saw Minho’s fingers desperately trying to find his mask as he lay there on his back.

The figure grunted loudly but it barely reached Jisung’s ears as he crawled off the man and over to the older and he frantically pushed the mask back to Minho’s mouth.

He saw Minho take a hurried deep breath, eyes closing for a split second before opening again, staring up at Jisung like he was the most precious thing on earth.

Minho was okay.

He was breathing.

Minho was still _alive_.

The next thing Jisung knew, a hand gripped the hair on the back of his head and he let out a pained screech as he got pulled backwards, leaving him staring up at the figure.

‘’Jisung!,’’

Said figure got a hold on his shirt and dragged him over the floor and further away from the others, only stopping once the figure apparently deemed them far away enough.

Then a weight was almost crushing his lungs – the man leaning his weight onto the knee pressing on Jisung’s chest - and his mask was gone and in his panic he tried to suck in a breath, but it left him choking on _nothing_.

He tried again but still nothing but this heaviness in his chest.

His vision was turning blurry and the pressure in his head grew almost unbearable and prompted him to just claw, trying to find a hold on _something_.

Again.

Still nothing.

Again.

It wasn’t working.

Minho.

Was Minho still here?

Minho was near him, right?

Or was he gone?

By now he was convinced he was going to die, but then he found that his hand had wandered down to the knife strapped against his thigh, gripping the hilt with trembling fingers.

And before he could even blink, his arm had moved on its own and left him staring up at the man’s pained expression and something warm and wet travelled down his fingers and to his arm.

Jisung was choking.

He was going to die.

But much like he had done before, someone barrelled into the man and pressed the mask back to his mouth.

His body jolted when he took another deep breath, this time the air light and sweet and oxygen reaching his lungs.

Everything was fuzzy and his heart pounded against his ribcage, but in the midst of it all he saw a pair of very familiar-looking eyes looking down at him.

The lines of his face got sharper with every breath Jisung took and soon he recognized it to be Minho. The older looked about ready to pass out from worry, eyes blown wide in fear but Jisung found himself unable to think about the reason.

They were so beautiful.

Minho’s eyes were really beautiful.

If someone asked, Jisung would say that those eyes were the root of the love Jisung held for the other.

He inwardly chuckled – even if his vision blurred for a bit - as he remembered seeing the older in the hallway of the JYP training-centre for the first time, totally starstruck as their eyes met and stuttering as he asked Seungmin – or Jeongin, he didn’t quite remember that detail – who the guy was.

They didn’t know but the guy had taken it upon himself to walk over and introduce himself, leaving Jisung stuttering once again when Minho blatantly stared into his eyes without blinking or breaking the eye-contact before suddenly giving him a wink.

It was the next day that he encountered Minho again, the older not even bothering to use any kind of formalities and straight on calling him _Jisungie_. A rather odd thing to do when they didn’t really know each other.

Jisung didn’t complain though , even if he older had teased him about the fact that his face had grown noticeably redder, and had managed to mutter something even he himself hadn’t understood.

‘’Sung?,’’

Hands tapped his cheeks quite harshly and suddenly he was fully aware of where he was again.

Right.

He blinked the haziness away and for a second he wanted to chastise whomever had so rudely interrupted his train of thought, but of course it was Minho and of course he couldn’t get mad at the older.

‘’Let’s go sweetheart,’’ the older rushed out as he took a hold of Jisung’s arms to heave him onto his feet.

The severity kicked in as the pet name reached his ears.

Minho rarely called him anything other than Jisung – or some kind of variation of that – unless it was urgent, something he had learned when they had fought another group for the oxygen tanks a couple of days after _it_ had happened.

Jisung wasn’t a fighter - not in that sense – and boy had it shown. At some point he had gotten socked in the face and Minho had lunged at the woman before dragging him out, inspecting his head as they had settled in a dark corner.

_’’Baby, are you okay?,’’_

Urgent.

Minho’s voice had been laced with urgency and concern, clouding the words he had spoken.

Suddenly he felt Minho trying to pry something from his fingers and when he looked at their hands to see what the older was doing, he saw the knife in his hand.

His head snapped to the person behind him and he almost gagged at the amount of blood on the dirty floor, the figure laying suspiciously still as more blood seeped out of his neck.

‘’O-oh…,’’ Jisung breathed out as he turned back looked at the blood on his fingers and dripping down the knife, his stomach churning as the younger realised he just _stabbed_ someone.

Not just that.

He let Minho take the knife out of his hand and silently watched as the older wiped the substance off on his jeans before pushing the weapon back into the holster around Jisung’s thigh. Then he proceeded to make an attempt to clean Jisung’s hands by using the bottom of his shirt.

When the older deemed it done and looked back up, Jisung couldn’t help but cower away, suddenly feeling incredibly disgusted with himself.

But Minho took a hold of his hand and intertwined their fingers, squeezing gently as if he was saying that it was okay.

‘’Guys, lets get moving!,’’ Hyunjin barked loudly, holding a door open at the end of the hallway together with Felix, both boys ushering the others outside.

Then they were running again and even though Jisung’s legs felt like jello he managed to keep up. Props to Minho, keeping a strong hold of the younger’s hand.

It was an hour later that they finally stopped running. They had come across an abandoned gas station and even though the place stood out like a sore thumb next to an abandoned highway, it was the only thing they had.

‘’We have to re-schedule now,’’ Chan heaved as he ran a hand through his hair, walking around the counter and rummaging through whatever stuff was left, ‘’Seungmin’s calculations didn’t include the extra use,’’

‘’Hey,’’ Seungmin sprung up from where he was leaning against the wall, slightly doubled over to catch his breath, ‘’Why do you have to say that as if I could’ve?,’’

‘’Guys!,’’ Jeongin intercepted, ‘’No fighting,’’

And just like that, they all went their separate way to either slump to the floor in exhaustion or look for any possible leftover supplies.

Jisung was still dizzy – if not even more after running like that – and dragged Minho with him to sit on the floor.

‘’You did well,’’ Minho whispered as he carded his fingers through the younger’s hair, ‘’I’m very proud of you,’’

Jisung wasn’t.

How the fuck could he when he had killed someone? That wasn’t something to be proud of.

But he got what the older meant and he appreciated it. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to verbally respond because he didn’t quite agree and he let himself slip to the floor instead, laying his head down on Minho’s thigh.

The older seemed to get it and let Jisung be, reverting to running his fingers along the younger’s features.

‘’You know what would be great?,’’ Jisung heard himself ask after a long stretch of silence, ‘’An actual house with a nice bed and a hot shower,’’

Minho laughed and nodded approvingly, ‘’That sounds rather lovely,’’

Jisung snorted but smiled anyways, enjoying the feeling of Minho’s fingers making contact with his skin. The older’s touch never failed to melt away anything negative and brought the feeling of spring and sunshine, leaving Jisung’s skin tingling in an almost euphoric way.

Minho’s hands were always warm, in contrast to his own little stumps of ice.

Correction, Minho was always warm, always there to thaw Jisung, always turning his skin scalding hot but never passed the point of comfort.

‘’Ehhh guys?,’’ Felix suddenly pulled them out of their little bubble, ‘’I don’t think we can stay here,’’

Jisung rolled his head over the older’s thigh to look at the freckled boy, feeling himself getting sleepier and sleepier as Minho carded his fingers through his hair, ‘’Why not?,’’

The freckled boy rested his hands on his hips, ‘’Well, I looked around the place and basically, we got no coverage at all. The back is just one big open space and there are no doors and almost all windows are completely shattered,’’

Jisung could hear Hyunjin let out a groan somewhere behind him and he was tempted to make the same noise. They had just run for their lives and Jisung was exhausted now that the adrenaline was gone and he really wanted to just rest for a bit, not walk around for another couple of hours to find somewhere else to stay.

‘’Can’t we stay here just for tonight?,’’ Minho replied as if he’d read Jisung’s mind, ‘’It’s already afternoon and I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pretty sure we aren’t going to find something else before sundown,’’

Jisung saw everyone’s head snap towards Felix and then Chan, waiting for the verdict.

‘’Okay,’’ Chan sighed out, ‘’But we’re out at first daylight,’’

And with that, Jisung let Minho’s warmth and gentle touches lull him to sleep.

The next couple of days were dreadful and exhausting.

They went from place to place, walking for miles on almost empty stomachs but never finding somewhere to settle for longer than a night. Luckily enough they found some scraps of food every now and then, but not enough to still this constant ache in their stomachs.

Jisung was pretty sure that he’d never been skinnier and he was in this constant state of tired, but he couldn’t complain when Minho would give up parts of his measly meal for him. Of course Jisung complained about _that_ but Minho was just too stubborn.

_’’No buts, Sung. You need it more than me,’’_ Minho had said, _’’I don’t like how I can almost feel every bone in your body,_

It wasn’t _that_ bad but he was aware that Minho was just overly worried.

But so was Jisung.

Minho’s features were getting sharper and sharper by the day and his thighs were slimming down with the breakdown of muscle.

They were all running on empty.

To make matters even worse, they _really_ needed oxygen.

Seungmin, Woojin and Jeongin had run the numbers days prior and if they wouldn’t find a refill, they’d be dead meat in two weeks. So to say that time was merely licking at their heels was an understatement and Jisung’s mental state kept shifting from terrified to determined and back, depending on the day.

But no matter what kind of day it was, Minho did everything in his power to keep him afloat, even though Jisung knew that the older was as scared as he was, the trembling hands ghosting his skin at night giving it away.

So when Changbin, Chan and Felix came back from a day of scouting with news of a suburban area with plenty of houses about five hours away and a sports store on the way there, Jisung teared up.

They still had time. 

‘’A-are you serious?,’’ Hyunjin stuttered out, jaw almost dropping to the floor, ‘’Are you fucking serious?,’’

Changbin nodded and his eyes were almost sparkling with excitement, fuelling Jisung’s own growing giddiness.

‘’Yes I’m serious. I tested the water and everything and it all works,’’ 

It was silent for a bit and then they all erupted into cheers, frantically moving around and hugging whomever was closest to them to celebrate.

‘’Well, seems like we get that nice bed and hot shower after all,’’ Minho chuckled and enveloped Jisung into a hug, ‘’I was convinced we’d never live to see that day,’’

Neither had Jisung.

How the pipelines and electricity were still working at some places after months, he didn’t understand but he welcomed that miracle with open arms.

The younger laughed joyfully and already found himself looking forward to the stream of warm water washing away everything they had gone through, letting everything that had built up go down the drain together with the murky water, maybe cleaning the slate if he was lucky.

‘’Well, what are we waiting for?,’’ Woojin said as he clapped his hands together, ‘’Get packing,’’

Jisung didn’t hesitate to slip out of Minho’s arms – earning him a low whine – and skipping over to his bag, ‘’Hurry up, slow-poke!,’’

Arms sneaked around his waist and Jisung giggled as Minho swayed them from side to side.

‘’I love it when you giggle like that,’’ Minho chuckled and the younger couldn’t help but flush.

He pried Minho’s arms away from him with a fake huff, ‘’Shut up and get your stuff,’’

Minho laughed loudly but fortunately listened, poking Jisung’s cheek but not daring to point out how unnaturally hot they were.

It took them less than two minutes to stuff their belongings in their bag and get back to the middle of the abandoned café, plopping down on one of the couches and waiting for the others to emerge. 

Jisung somehow found himself under Minho at some point, the older poking his sides with a mischievous grin.

The older knew that Jisung was ticklish and knew about every spot that made him squirm and laugh and for a second Jisung let himself go and laugh loudly, trying to swat Minho’s hands away from him until Minho suddenly got pulled off of him. 

Changbin was holding the back of Minho’s shirt, eyes narrowed as he looked at the older.

‘’Stop that. You are making him use too much oxygen,’’ he hissed before letting go and making his way over to Jeongin.

Jisung wanted to yell at Changbin for interrupting the moment, but he knew that the guy was just worried. Minho wasn’t the only one who could be quite overprotective. 

Jisung blamed it on the fact that they had started out as three, with himself being the youngest of them for a long time. And even though Changbin often said that it felt like Jisung was older than him, the guy would go out of his way to make sure Jisung was okay.

He appreciated it, but he already had Minho to deal with.

He let out a little sigh as he tried to even out his breathing, knowing that what Changbin had said did hold some truth.

Minho’s head snapped back to Jisung and he saw regret and concern in his eyes and Jisung heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest.

‘’Hyung, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it,’’ Jisung tried to reassure the older, eyes still watery from laughing.

The older shook his head and pulled Jisung to sit back up, ‘’No, I was being careless. Sorry,’’

Minho looked properly anxious and distant and Jisung was sure that the older was already making up scenarios in his head and maybe some sort of emergency plan.

Jisung hated that look on Minho so he reached out and patted the side of the older’s neck before flicking his forehead. Minho recoiled back and rubbed the spot, eyes narrowing as Jisung snorted.

‘’Stop worrying. You know it doesn’t make that much of a difference,’’

‘’But-,’’

‘’No,’’ Jisung deadpanned.

Right at that moment Chan clapped his hands and got their attention.

‘’So, the plan is to use the road behind the building and make our way up. We should be relatively out of sight there but I want all of you to stick close to the buildings and keep some distance from each other, ‘’ The older said, looking at them one-by-one, ‘’That doesn’t mean I want you guys out of sight or wandering off on your own. Just keep in pairs or something and don’t huddle together in one big group. That way we won’t be one big target,’’

There was a collective hum and Jisung jolted when Minho suddenly sprung up.

‘’Lead the way captain,’’ Minho cackled, effectively cutting the dense mood and holding out one finger, bending it as if it was a hook.

Jisung giggled, happy that Minho didn’t seem that upset anymore about earlier.

‘’We’re not fucking pirates Minho,’’ Hyunjin laughed before turning to Jisung, ‘’Your boyfriend is so weird. You guys are perfect for each other,’’

Jisung didn’t know what to comment on first; the fact that Hyunjin insinuated that he was weird or that he had called Minho his boyfriend. 

For some reason they’d never even bothered to put a label on each other because it simply didn’t matter. There wasn’t anyone there that needed such a clarification to understand what they were, so it was pointless. The rest of the members didn’t seem to need that either.

However, it did something to his heart as he thought about being Minho’s _boyfriend_. The feeling was fleeting but Jisung felt it fluttering in his stomach and behind his ribcage, a sudden itch to hear Minho call him that.

Not because it was needed, but because it was wanted.

Which was really stupid because he very much was Minho’s boyfriend, the older had never actually called him that though.

No hard feelings.

Jisung was sure his heart wouldn’t survive Minho calling him that anyways.

‘’Do not insult my squirrel like that, Lanky. I’ll make you walk the plank if you do it again,’’ Minho spoke, now holding one hand to his eye as if he was wearing an eye-patch.

‘’If it makes you stop doing stupid stuff like this, I’d gladly walk,’’ Hyunjin retorted, the little smile not going unnoticed by Jisung.

‘’Playtime’s over kids, get moving!,’’ Jeongin interrupted, suddenly standing in the middle of the group, hands on his hips.

Seungmin snorted and took a couple of steps until he was next to their youngest, swatting his head, ‘’Stop acting like you’re Woojin,’’

Then some bickering ensued but Jisung tuned it out and let himself enjoy the sound of Minho laughing and when the older turned to look at him – eyes shaped like crescents – he felt the stress of the last couple of days finally melting away like snow.

The trek to the store was filled with excited chattering and playful pushing, sounds of joy hushed to make sure they weren’t attracting unwanted attention, but still loud enough to reach Jisung and Minho as they lazily strolled after the rest.

It was as if the universe finally gave them a little break and even though the skies would never be that beautiful blue again – a faint wash of black preventing that from happening – it felt as if it was a warm spring day.

But that was probably just Minho’s arm slung around his shoulders, forcing Jisung so close that he could _feel_ the older’s ribcage move every time he took a breath.

Call him weird but he liked that feeling.

Because it meant that they were still breathing.

‘’It’s right around the corner,’’ Changbin screeched back, earning him a stomp on the arm and a hissed _’’Pipe it down, idiot’’_ from Hyunjin.

Glad to see that some things never changed.

Jisung heard Minho snort and he smiled when the older tightened his arm around him. At some point Minho had started humming something under his breath and Jisung recognized it to be Sunshine.

He thought back on when he had let the members listen to the first draft of the song and how nervous he had been for the reaction. His worries had all been for nothing when the response had been good – great, actually – and thinking about it now, Jisung felt his heart swell all over again when Minho had slipped next to him in bed that night, telling him how proud he was of him for making such a great song.

He smiled at the memory and stuck a bit closer to the older, his arm finding it’s place around the older’s waist.

Much like promised, a big building came into sight once they rounded the corner. Changbin and Felix upped the tempo and got to the door first, the younger of the pair pulling out a screwdriver from his bag and prying the door open.

It took them less than a minute before they ushered all of them inside, carefully locking the door behind them.

To Jisung’s surprise, it seemed like no one had found the store before them and everything was still neatly in place. No items thrown around or missing from the racks. 

His fingers trailed over the clothes as Changbin led them to the back of the store, reminding himself to make sure they wouldn’t leave without a new set of clothes because he felt gross wearing the same thing for weeks and not being able to wash up properly.

‘’So I think it’s safe to assume that what we are looking for will be in the back?,’’ Woojin asked as they stalked passed the racks.

Felix and Changbin nodded and motioned for them to follow as they neared a door tucked away in the corner.

‘’They have a diving-section and when we passed I think I saw a sign for a discount on everything that wasn’t clothes, including diving-equipment,’’

Before they knew it they were in a backroom, racks filled with stuff lining the walls. Minho’s arm slipped off his shoulder and they all went their own way trying to find what they were looking for. 

It was Jeongin who suddenly called them over and when they got to the boy, they found him holding open another door in the room, pointing inside to a bunch of canisters and tanks lined up.

‘’Fuck yes!,’’ Hyunjin screeched out as he walked inside, Changbin and Chan joining him as they carried out little tanks.

They got handed one each, ‘’It’s our lucky day guys,’’

Jisung had to try to contain himself from jumping up and down. First they almost certainly had found a place to stay – beds and running water included – for as long as they wanted, then they had found the store completely intact and now this?

‘’Wait. Are these things even water-proof?,’’ Hyunjin questioned as he inspected the tank.

‘’They are made for scuba-diving so of course they are you idiot,’’ Changbin grumbled before he sucked in a breath, disconnecting his mask from the old tank and expertly connect the new tank before taking a deep breath.

‘’Well, sorry Mr. gremlin,’’ Hyunjin muttered before following the older.

The rest snickered and Jisung shook his head with a grin.

Then Minho reached out and took the tank out of his hands, crouching down next to him before looking up. Jisung nodded and took a long inhale. 

There was a little hiss of air and he screwed his eyes shut, repeating it over and over in his head that he had couldn’t breathe until Minho had switched the tanks.

A soft poke in his side told him that the older had switched them out and he opened his eyes again as he took a breath.

Call him crazy but there was something reassuring about taking that first breath, but he suspected it was the fact that he knew that they got another month until they had to stress about oxygen again.

Minho rose back to his feet and patted his head before turning to his own tank.

For some reason it had become a strange ritual for Minho to help Jisung and even though it was incredibly simple, Jisung couldn’t help but almost choke up – not in the literal sense – whenever the older did. It felt weirdly intimate to him, like it was Minho who was giving him more time on this earth instead of those simple tanks.

But then again, Jisung wasn’t so sure if he’d gotten this far without the older so that statement was true anyways.

‘’Welcome to my crib!,’’ Jeongin said as he walked in, spreading his arms wide as if he was showing off his own home.

It had taken them almost the whole day to get here, but it was definitely worth it.

Jisung couldn’t believe his eyes. They were standing in a real home – albeit a bit dusty – with a living room and a dining-area and a kitchen and newspapers and magazines spread around and paintings on the wall and a vase with withered roses on the little table under the tv.

Minho seemed to be just as impressed as he let out a little ‘woah’ before moving though the space, inspecting every nook and cranny. 

The two oldest let them roam for a bit before calling them back into the Livingroom.

‘’There are three bedrooms so I suggest we split up in two pairs and one group of three,’’ Woojin announced.

Minho was next to him in an instant and intertwined their fingers.

‘’Well, I don’t really care who I room with but I know one thing for sure,’’ Seungmin started before pointing to Minho and Jisung, ‘’I don’t want to be stuck in one room with those lovebirds. I don’t want my sleep to be interrupted by whatever they will be doing,’’

Jisung rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop the heath from creeping up his neck and to his face, the implication clear. Minho didn’t seem all that fazed and let out a loud laugh.

‘’It’s a given Jisung and I get our own room so don’t worry about that,’’ he retorted before taking a hold of Jisung’s arm and dragging him up the stairs.

They were standing in one of the rooms in the blink of an eye and Jisung got pulled towards the bed after he had dumped his bag on the floor, Minho pulling him down with him. He fell on his back but before he could complain about it, Minho wrapped his arms around him and pulled him flush to his side.

Jisung relaxed and shifted to his side, throwing one of his legs over the older. Minho let out a satisfied hum and pulled him closer.

They stayed like that for a little while and Jisung was almost asleep when Minho suddenly spoke up.

‘’Were beds always this soft or is it just me?,’’ the older wondered out loud, cutting the comfortable silence.

Jisung didn’t know. He couldn’t really remember how his own bed back at the dorms had felt like but he was sure he’d never appreciated the furniture as much as now.

His back constantly ached from laying on cold, hard surfaces and he really missed pillows. Sure, more often than not he used Minho as one, but the older wasn’t as fluffy as a real pillow.

Jisung was about to drift off to sleep when his brain reminded him they had a shower and a fresh set of clothes in their bags.

‘’Hyung,’’ he sleepily muttered.

‘’Yes?,’’

Jisung retracted his leg and pushed himself up, ‘’I’m going to shower,’’

The older let out another hum before his eyes flew open. He sprung up in the blink of and turned on the bed, facing Jisung.

‘’Shower!,’’ he yelled, eyes blown wide and a toothy grin on his face.

Jisung giggled at that and nodded, slipping off the bed and walking over to his bag to fish out the new clothes.

It was an hour later that Jisung found himself laying on his back, hair still damp and drowning in a pair of sweatpants and hoodie as he listened to the shower running.

He could hear Minho singing and for some reason his eyes started watering. The sound was just so calming and now that they had a taste of normal life again, something in his chest fluttered and spread a tingling sensation through his body.

Peace.

He felt so at peace and warm and _happy_.

Everyone was safe for now and he could just enjoy being with Minho without having to worry much. He could just enjoy the fluffy bed under him and the smell of some flowery shampoo coming from his hair.

It was stupid but a couple of tears slipped passed his eyelids and he giggled, the sudden joy bursting like the floodgates had opened.

In the midst of his sudden euphoria, the bed dipped next to him and Minho was hoovering over him, brows furrowed and darting all over his face.

‘’Jisung?,’’ Minho rushed out, ‘’What’s wrong sweetheart?,’’

Jisung shook his head and made an attempt to wipe away the tears, failing miserably as they kept rolling down his cheeks.

‘’Are you hurt somewhere?

Minho pulled him up and held onto his arms, craning his head to the side to look him in the eyes. 

‘’I’m happy,’’ Jisung managed to whispered out, his voice shaky but clear, ‘’I’m really happy hyung,’’

The look in the older’s eyes softened and even though Jisung’s vision was slightly blurred, he could see Minho smiling and his eyes sparkling with _something_ he could only describe as relief.

‘’Oh baby,’’ Minho cooed as he carefully wiped the tears off Jisung’s face, ‘’Seeing you happy makes me happy too,’’

Jisung snorted at the cheesy remark but didn’t bother to find a witty response, not when the older carefully tugged at his hoodie until he was in his lap, facing each other.

The tears were now almost gone and he wrapped his arms around Minho’s neck, the older’s hands finding their place on the younger’s hips. Minho looked up at him and now it was Jisung’s turn to wipe the tears off the older’s face, gently tracing his face with his fingers.

‘’I’m happy too Jisung,’’ the older whispered as he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, ‘’I’m really happy too,’’

Then he got pulled closer again and Minho leaned his head against his chest.

It was then that Jisung registered the position they were in and the previous peace made way for something else, something that started deep inside him and made his heart beat a little faster. The feeling only grew as Minho shifted and rested his hand on the side of his thigh, fingers burning his skin through the sweatpants.

Jisung tried to will it away because it wasn’t all that unfamiliar but it lowkey scared him. It was no use when a shiver ran down his spine when he felt hands slipping under his shirt and a stuttering breath left his lips.

Suddenly he felt his body heating up, the hoodie he was wearing suddenly too warm. However, he was incapable of moving away. His brain was slowly turning into one big mush, especially when Minho looked back up at him with his eyes piercing his soul. 

His fingers found their way to the hair on the back of Minho’s head and he clamped down when the older started tracing his spine, up and down.

Jisung was aware his breathing was growing heavier and that he was getting antsy, but in the good way. At least, he thought it was good. He wasn’t _that_ uncomfortable but he had the urge to move and so he shifted his weight without thinking much.

Minho’s hands suddenly stopped running down his back and took a hold of his hips, digging into his skin.

Then he was suddenly on his back with Minho on top of him and slotted between his legs, one hand gone from under his shirt and on the back of his thigh instead.

There was something in the older’s eyes that made Jisung’s vision give out for a second before the older’s hand moved up and up until it reached his inner-thigh, never breaking eye-contact.

By now his lungs were almost burning and his breathing was coming out as little pants.

Jisung was on fire, his skin scorching hot as Minho’s fingers grazed the skin on his hips and his hands found the hem of Minho’s shirt.

He didn’t know what he was doing until he heard Minho hiss and pry his hands away, letting the older’s shirt fall back down.

‘’Sungie,’’ Minho rasped out, ‘’We can’t,’’

The older’s voice broke on the last word and Jisung tried to ignore it, desperately trying to keep Minho right where he was by trying to grip the older’s shirt, but Minho pushed himself up a bit and the cold hit Jisung immediately. 

And from that previous happiness was nothing left, pushed aside by a weird ache.

‘’We’re going to run out of oxygen before the others and it could turn really problematic if we aren’t all synched up. Keeping track of who’s gonna need a new tank at what day is gonna be a hassle. It’s not worth the risk,’’ the older whispered out and he ran his fingers through Jisung’s hair, voice wavering and eyes slightly hazy.

Jisung thought it was.

He’d take the risk if it meant that they could have something _normal_ , if they could forget that they were stuck in this hellhole where they couldn’t show just how much they loved each other.

It was almost pathetic how much he wanted the older to hold him closer, as close as possible without suffocating him, Minho melting his skin and setting it on fire and not letting go.

A suddenly cold washed over him and turned the blood in his veins into slush and he shivered, not in the good way this time. It was cold and lonely and aching and all things horrible.

The whimper that escaped his lips was even more pathetic and he brought his shaking hands over his eyes in an attempt to prevent the tears from escaping.   
It almost worked until he felt something wet drop on the back of his hand.

For a second he thought he had imagined it - a misfire from the nerves in his hands – but another one followed. And another one.

The drops sped up in frequency and then realisation hit.

Minho was crying, his teardrops raining down on Jisung.

And that’s when the dam broke and a painful sob wrecked through him. He was aware of his body trembling too hard as a result of the sudden sorrow, making him feel even worse than he already did.

Why?

Why was everything so shitty?

Why did the world decide to say fuck it and self-destruct?

Why were they getting punished like this?

He didn’t dare to come out of hiding, not when he would end up seeing liquid pain making its way out of those beautiful eyes he loved so much.

So he didn’t and let that weird feeling of loneliness take a hold of him, crying out in pain as it settled in his heart.

Cold.

So cold.

And then he got pulled to sit back up and his head crashed into Minho’s chest as the older frantically wrapped his arms around him.

It was a bit warmer, but there was nothing left of that previous fire and butterflies in his stomach.

And this time he didn’t try to be silent and let Minho rock him in his arms, tears dropping into Jisung’s hair as he muttered sweet nothings into his ear.

Empty promises and false hope.

And this time Jisung couldn’t find it in himself to believe them.


	2. Between You And Me

When Jisung woke up, Minho was not next to him and for a split second he freaked out, fearing the older had vanished into thin air. Not that that was possible, but he had a headache and was way too groggy to think rationally.

So with that, he threw the blanket off and pushed himself out of bed. The floorboards were cold against the bare skin on his feet and he sped up his steps. The trek down the stairs was wobbly but he made it down nonetheless. 

And he found Minho sitting on the couch, Jeongin and Woojin next to him as they talked in hushed voices.

Relief washed over him and he waddled over to the trio, not even bothering to say good morning as he let himself flop down on the three, trying to keep from winching when knees dug into his stomach.

There was a collective groan and Jisung couldn’t help but chuckle.

‘’Oh my god, why would you do that?,’’ Jeongin hissed as he pushed Jisung’s legs off of him, ‘’It’s too early for this,’’

Jisung just shrugged and relaxed his body, earning him another groan from Jeongin.

‘’Okay children, play nice,’’ Woojin laughed, patting Jisung’s head and earning him a betrayed look from Jeongin.

Then he was suddenly on the floor and he heard a loud cackle moving away from him and a _’’Yang Jeongin! Get back here!’’_ from Woojin.

But as quickly as he had gotten pushed off the couch, he was back on it with his head resting on Minho’s thigh and the older’s arm loosely draped over his waist.

‘’Hi,’’ he smiled as he look up at Minho.

The older looked as effortlessly handsome as always, even with his hair dishevelled and mask obstructing his view of the older’s face.

That didn’t really matter because he could still see Minho’s eyes and really, that was all he needed.

‘’Good morning sunshine,’’ Minho hummed as he sank back into the couch, ‘’Did you sleep well? You were tossing and turning a bit last night,’’

Stupid question.

Jisung couldn’t remember the last time he had slept that well.

Everything had been more than perfect with the soft bedding and huge bed and Minho right next to him.

‘’Like a log. You?,’’ Jisung asked, moving his arm on top of Minho’s, ‘’Have you been awake for long?,’’

Minho moved his arm a bit and intertwined their fingers.

Jisung loved it when Minho did that.

‘’I slept even better than before all of this happened, even though I did wake up one time because a certain someone had me in some sort of chokehold suddenly,’’

With that came a poke to the forehead as if the older was trying to scold him but Jisung wasn’t going to let himself be held accountable for whatever his body did whenever he was out like a light.

‘’Sorry?,’’ Jisung snorted before pouting, ‘’You’re just very warm you know? I can’t help it,’’

The older narrowed his eyes but soon burst out laughing.

‘’Why are you so cute?,’’ he spluttered, ‘’God dammit,’’

‘’No swearing in my good ol’ Christian household, for fucks sake!,’’ Woojin suddenly bellowed from the kitchen, ‘’Think about the kids!,’’ 

Jisung lost it at that and burst out laughing, Minho quick to join him. The muscles in his stomach were staring to hurt after a little while but he just couldn’t stop.

‘’Okay okay, we need to stop laughing, ‘’Minho chuckled after a little while, ‘’Oxygen,’’

Jisung’s mood dropped in an instant and he froze, all laughter gone.

Fucking oxygen.

Always that fucking oxygen.

They had to be so mindful about it that they couldn’t even _laugh_ all they wanted.

Minho didn’t really seem to notice Jisung’s sudden drop in mood as he tried to calm himself down, the occasional snort still leaving his lips. It was only after he took a deep exhale and his eyes travelled back to Jisung’s. The older stilled and sent an apologetic smile, probably feeling sorry for bringing it up. 

They stopped talking after that and the silence was almost enough for Jisung’s mind to start wandering and remind him of everything that was wrong and how incredibly sad that made him, but Minho’s warm hands tracing circles on his side were enough to keep them away.

‘’Did I ever tell you how I punched Chan in the face right after the earthquake was over?,’’ the older suddenly spoke.

Jisung perked up slightly and turned his head to look back up at the older, ‘’No? What the fuck?,’’

Minho chuckled and poked Jisung’s cheekbone right where the excess puffiness had gathered, ‘’Well, I did. Not very proud of that, I have to admit, but I wasn’t really thinking,’’

‘’Do you _ever_ think though?,’’ Jisung mumbled back as he bit his lip to hold in a giggle and screwed his eyes shut.

It was always so easy to push Minho’s buttons. He could already feel fingers ghosting his side and he squirmed a bit to the left, but then the fingers were gone and he open one eye.

‘’Brat,’’ Minho mumbled, failing miserably as he tried to look intimidating.

Jisung shook his head and reached up to give the older a pat, grinning when Minho dropped the façade and beamed at him.

‘’Elaborate?,’’

‘’God this is embarrassing,’’ the older groaned as he took Jisung’s head and pulled it away from his head, ‘’but I was really scared and when he tried to prevent me from getting into the building I just snapped,’’

The younger kept silent as Minho played with his fingers because he knew the older would feel this urge to continue talking. It seemed to work as Minho let out a sigh.

‘’It looked so bad, Jisung. Half the building was gone and people were screaming everywhere and we knew that most of you would still have been in the building right as it collapsed. In that moment I imagined how it had taken you all down with it, leaving your bodies buried under a pile of concrete and glass,’’ Minho continued, gazing back down and into Jisung’s eyes.

They had never really talked about what had happened right before or during the earthquake because there had been this unspoken consensus that they needed to move _forward_ and prioritise survival first.

During all of that, they had never really gotten around to informing each other what had happened exactly.

And now that Minho did, it oddly hurt because Jisung’s mind so kindly reminded him how they had been goofing off in the practise room one minute and how the lights had come crashing down the next.

Of course they had been smart enough to get the hell out of there but they hadn’t managed to get out the lobby before the ceiling gave out. Jisung didn’t really remember what exactly happened after that, only that they had found themselves underneath the huge desk of the receptionist and dust everywhere.

To this day he praised the guardian-angel that had been looking over them because the desk had somewhat held up and their injuries had been minor.

Faint scars still adorned Jisung’s palms and fingers from digging themselves out of the rubble above and behind them, but couldn’t care less.

‘’I imagined you in pain and bleeding out all alone,’’ the older almost inaudibly admitted, face scrunched up in pain as he closed his eyes.

Jisung was sure his heart gave out for a second before it startled back to life with a jolt of sympathy and sorrow, feeling upset for Minho. And even though it hurt, his heart then swelled with love for the older after hearing, seeing and _feeling_ how much the thought of Jisung being gone pained Minho.

‘’But I didn’t Minho,’’ Jisung whispered back, ‘’We didn’t. We’re all here and we’re not going anywhere, especially not me,’’

‘’I wouldn’t even give you the chance to,’’ the older smirked as he looked back down, eyes a bit watery, ‘’I’m never letting you go,’’

And as if to demonstrate, Minho’s arm tightened around Jisung’s waist and the younger felt his eyes well up as well, ‘’Good, because I’m never letting you go either,’’

Another short silence and Jisung let out a heavy sigh, hoping it would take that dull ache with it and shifted a bit closer to the older.

‘’I wished it had just been an earthquake…,’’ he mumbled, more to himself than Minho really.

Things had been relatively fine after the first shockwave, but then alarms had gone off all over the city, informing everyone that the percentage of oxygen in the air was rapidly decreasing.

In hindsight, the slow decline that scientists had been monitoring for months had been the first sign. 

So not only had they try to find each other in the midst of chaos and destruction, but they also needed to get to the carefully-locked-away masks and tanks in their dorm.

‘’So do I sweetheart, ‘’ the older muttered as he stared into Jisung’s eyes, ‘’So do I,’’

The days passed like that, the group living peacefully and enjoying living in an actual house after so long, until disaster finally struck.

One moment they were all gathered in the living room, just talking to each other and playing stupid games like ‘I spy, with my little eye’ and the next, the sound of beeps filled the room.

‘’Wait, what the fuck,’’ Changbin muttered as he straightened up from where he had been sitting on the carpet, looking around frantically, ‘’What was that?,’’  
Jisung stilled and Minho let out a dissatisfied hum as the younger stopped playing with his hair.

Then the beeping stopped but the tension was still there as they anxiously waited for any indication as to what it may have been.

Just a minute later, there was the beeping again and Seungmin shot his head down to his oxygen-tank, inspecting the thing with a razor-sharp focus and nimble fingers.

By now Minho had heaved himself up and threw an arm around Jisung and pulled him to his side. It didn’t do Jisung’s already lowkey-panicking mind any good because the protectiveness radiated from Minho’s body.

Something wasn’t right.

‘’Are you kidding me?,’’ Seungmin followed, eyes snapping back to the others.

Jisung didn’t like what he saw.

There was a certain fear there that he had never seen in Seungmin’s eyes and that meant that something was really wrong.

Minho seemed to get that as well because suddenly Jisung was in Minho’s lap with the older’s arms tightly wrapped around him.

‘’I-I think…,’’ Seungmin whispered before gulping, ‘’I think these tanks weren’t completely full,’’

The words hit like a wrecking ball and Jisung’s hands shot out and took a hold of Minho’s arms, his throat closing up on him.

Chan sprung to his feet, ‘’What do you mean? How could these not be full?,’’

‘’Just like I’m saying hyung!,’’ Seungmin replied, ‘’I read the instruction manual of these things and I’m pretty sure it said something about a warning system. If I remember correctly, it starts sending beeps every minute when there’s only three hours of oxygen left,’’

Complete chaos broke out and now Chan and Seungmin were yelling at each other, Woojin and Changbin had joined the shouting-match right after and Jeongin, Felix and Hyunjin were trying to shush the others.

And Jisung was panicking, his knuckles turning white as his fingers dug into Minho’s arm. The older’s muscles were tensed up and he wasn’t moving or talking or _anything_ and just let him cling on and Jisung didn’t know whether to be grateful for that or not.

‘’We got to go back! There were more tanks there, right?,’’ Felix rushed out, voice too high-pitched to sound comforting.

‘’No, there weren’t. There were only two more and we didn’t take those with us,’’ Changbin screeched back, tugging at his own hair as he started pacing.

Jisung didn’t know what to do.

His mind was going haywire with the new piece of information and dread settled into his every fibre.

Did this mean the beginning of the end?

Were they going to die?

The thought unsettled him immensely and he found himself melting back into Minho, turning his head sideways to bury his head in Minho’s neck. He could feel Minho’s muscles relax a bit but the older was trembling ever so slightly, but maybe that was Jisung.

‘’Well, isn’t there a way to transfer the oxygen to other tanks? We could get back there and divide it and then go look for new tanks?,’’ Chan tried.

Jisung tuned out the rest of it, his mind wandering off.

Three hours.

They would never even make it back to the store in three hours.

They’d never make it.

They’d die on their way there if they tried.

And the previous panic morphed into something heavy and painful, starting somewhere in his chest and travelling up his throat and down to the very ends of his toes.

Three hours.

He would only have three hours left with Minho and then, nothing.

Deep down he had always known they were running on borrowed time and that sooner than later that time would catch up to him, but it was still too soon. 

He estimated that it had been about seven months now. They had somehow managed to stretch their time to seven months and that was long, but now that it seemed like it was as far as they were going to get, it was too short.

Too short.

He heard someone crying but he was too stuck in his head to figure out who it was, but then he got turned around in the older’s lap and found Minho grimacing at him before the older wrapped his arms back around him.

‘’Ssshhh,’’ Minho hushed as he cradled Jisung in his arms, ‘’We’ll figure something out. We’re going to figure it out sweetheart,’’

Oh.

Jisung was the one crying.

How pathetic.

Everyone was trying to come up with something and here he was, already giving up and not contributing at all.

But it was _so_ difficult to get his breathing to even out and keep the tears in and no matter how many times he wiped his eyes, they just kept coming.

‘’We got to try it anyways,’’ Hyunjin piped up, ‘’We have no other option,’’

Jisung was aware of the growing despair in the room and he could almost _taste_ it on the back of his tongue. It was foul and gross and he really wished the others would stop pacing and let him drown in his dread in peace.

‘’You guys do know that if what Seungmin said is true, we’ll never make it all the way back to the store?,’’ Minho chimed in.

He sounded calm and collected but it wasn’t difficult for Jisung to pick up on the tinge of fear and the arms around him tightened.

‘’Of course I know that! But we can’t just wait here like sitting ducks without even trying something!,’’ Hyunjin retorted.

Then there was a sudden silence like everyone had either started to give up or wreck their brain for a solution and that was when Jisung’s own brain decided that it really didn’t like the situation.

Jisung felt a heavy thump in his head and the room tilted on its axis and it felt like the wind suddenly got knocked out of him.

‘’H-hyung,’’ he managed to stutter and to his amazement it had been audible enough for Minho to hear and the older snapped his head to him.

Now the room was almost on its head and he curled up even more than he had already been.

‘’Jisung?,’’ 

He lightly shook his head and closed his eyes, feeling himself slip away from the present and barely noticing getting guided to lay on his back.

And before he knew it, everything went silent.

Jisung was running around in that purple field again, the same set of laughter somewhere around him and Minho hot on his heels. The sun had started to set and painted the sky in the most gorgeous hues of pinks and purples and oranges, tinting the edges of a couple of clouds in the sky.

‘’Come back here squirrel!,’’ he heard someone shout behind him.

No way was Jisung going to do that. He wasn’t crazy.

A laugh bubbled up from his chest and he let it escape as he tried to keep himself from tripping on the somewhat uneven ground. In a moment of misplaced bravery, he looked back and saw Minho dangerously close and he squealed before speeding up again.

Jisung was almost sure Minho was going to give up any time soon and he’d win, but his childhood-clumsiness caught up with him and he lost his balance when he stepped into a tiny pit and he tumbled forward, screeching as he caught himself with his hands before rolling on his back.

Minho was on top of him almost instantly, straddling him and trapping his arms next to his head.

‘’Game over,’’ the older smirked and Jisung let out a huff.

‘’You’re lucky I tripped. You wouldn’t have been able to catch up to me. I outrun all of you, I’m too fast,’’ Jisung sassed back, knowing full well that it would light the fire to Minho’s competitiveness.

He bit his lip as the older narrowed his eyes, curious and maybe a tad bit worried about what Minho’s reaction was going to be, but then the eyes softened and Jisung was left staring up at Minho smiling down at him.

‘’That you are,’’ Minho snorted before leaning down and leaving a quick peck on his lips, ‘’But no matter how fast you go, I’ll always be right behind you,’’

Jisung managed to free one of his arms and punched the older in the leg, his face heating up and Minho snickering.

‘’You are so cheesy!,’’

Minho just shrugged and leaned down again, kissing Jisung long enough to leave him breathless and maybe a bit dizzy.

It always happened, even after he had kissed Minho so many times already, but he had to admit that it felt euphoric, in a way. Every kiss felt like the first and there was something incredibly precious and sweet about that, leaving Jisung a bit shy and giggly.

Jisung opened his eyes as Minho moved away and swore he could see the stars in the older’s eyes. 

‘’You love me anyways,’’

That he did.

And just as he was about to tell Minho that, the older disappeared into thin air and the sky turned black and the ground underneath him ice cold. 

There was no time to get anxious about it because the next thing he knew everything around him was on fire and suddenly he was running. 

But there was nowhere to run to. It seemed like the fire had formed in a ring around him and it grew closer and closer and soon Jisung felt the heath grazing his skin, his eyes burning with the lack of liquid.

And he screamed and screamed for the others, for Minho, but his desperate screams for help didn’t make it past his lips and even if they had, the roaring sound of the flames would have been too loud for anyone to hear him.

Then he was falling and the heath was gone.

It was black and cold and before he knew it, he was staring at a whale passing him, a smaller one stuck to it’s left side as it trailed along.

Air.

He needed to get up and get air.

How deep down was he?

So he struggled his way up, careful not to open his mouth and allow the salty and bacteria-filled water in. 

Suddenly he could see light above him, breaking through the surface of the water and reaching down to him. He sped up and as soon as he broke through the surface, he was blinded by white light all around him.

He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Minho staring down at him, frowning. Jisung saw his mouth moving but he couldn’t hear what the older was saying and so he tried to look around him and see if he could figure out what Minho was trying to tell him from the context.

What he saw was a tv on the wall, a little table set in the middle of a carpet and two other figures staring at him and magazines in their hands.

Oh.

It was then that he noticed that he was laying on the couch and that Minho’s fingers were running over his temple and through his hair.

He looked back at the older and sound came rushing back in. 

‘’Baby? Are you okay?,’’

Jisung thought he was, but there was this lingering panic and his heart was almost beating out of his chest. He couldn’t quite remember what had caused his body to respond like that, just bits and pieces of purple and black and white.

‘’Yeah,’’ he sighted out, taking a deep breath to calm his heart down, ‘’Just a nightmare, I think,’’

Thank God.

‘’Are you okay hyung?,’’ Jeongin suddenly asked and Jisung nodded, not really feeling like talking more than necessary.

He stayed like that for a bit as he tried to calm down. It took a little while but he had found Minho’s hand and the older’s thumb was tracing circles on his knuckles, helping him focus on something else than this odd loneliness lingering in his chest.

He opened his eyes again and sat back up. Minho moved back to give him some space but didn’t let go of his hand, softly tugging him to his side. Jisung didn’t hesitate to let himself melt into Minho once again and let out a long sigh.

Now that Jisung’s brain was functioning somewhat normally again, he had figured he had passed out earlier and therefor missed what had happened after that.

‘’Where’s everyone? Wait! Now muck time do we have left?,’’ he suddenly jolted up, scared that Minho would tell him that they were running on their last minutes and that he would have missed his chance to say bye to the members that were maybe already gone.

‘’We have about an hour and a half. They went to look around the neighbourhood. Maybe they’ll find some spare tanks,’’ the older replied, voice laced with worry, ‘’They’ll be back later and I’m sure everything will be fine then,’’

Empty promises.

False hope.

‘’Y-yeah,’’ Jisung stuttered, forcing himself to believe everything would turn out fine, ‘’And we’ll laugh about this later,’’

Minho nodded slowly but his face stayed stoic, something Jisung had rarely seen. And with that dwindled that miniscule spark that things _would_ turn out okay.

‘’Who wants food? I’m starving,’’ Jeongin piped up and he stalked to the kitchen, ‘’We got…. Corn and beans, and some corn and oh look! Beans!,’’

Jisung fucking loved Jeongin.

How the kid was able to even joke around in a situation like this, Jisung didn’t understand but it was admirable and something Jisung really envied at the moment because he could barely keep himself from crying and freaking out.

‘’I’d like some beans. The first ones, not the second ones,’’ Hyunjin yelled back, the crack in his voice not going unnoticed by Jisung.

‘’You guys are idiots,’’ Minho muttered and Jisung was about ready to kiss the other two when the older smiled ever so slightly.

Jeongin reappeared from the kitchen with two forks and an open can of beans.

‘’Chef Yang to your services,’’ the boy cackled as he threw a fork in their direction, planting the can of beans on the little table, ‘’Feast! My children,’’

They anxiously waited and waited, but one hour and a half hours turned into one, then forty minutes and Jisung’s lower lip was bleeding and he was dizzy from pacing near the door when they reached half an hour.

And at the fifteen-minute mark, the door slowly opened and the others stepped into the room.

Jisung didn’t need to ask because their faces were set in defeat and their hands were empty.

Minho sprung up from the couch and was next to him in a split second, interlocking their fingers as they kept their eyes trained on the group shuffling inside before closing the door.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ Chan whispered out, head hung low but not low enough to mask the tear tracks.

Seungmin was the first to burst out crying and turned to Felix, latching onto him like a koala. Hyunjin followed, then Changbin, Woojin, Jeongin…

And it was when Chan dropped to his knees that the pressure in Jisung’s chest exploded and wrecked through his body. His legs felt like jello and he was grateful for Minho’s arms suddenly around his waist, pulling his back flush to the older’s chest.

In the midst of the mass-breakdown, Jisung could feel the tears dripping into the back of his neck and slipping down until they reached his shirt, the fabric soaking them up one by one.

Jisung had thought that the day everything had gone to hell had been the worst day of his life, but it seemed filled with roses and rainbows in hindsight.

Today was most definitely the worst day of his life.

Coincidentally the last one as well.

And he sobbed at the realisation that there wouldn’t ever be a day that might turn out to be even worse, no matter how much he wished.

This was it.

This was the end.

It took him a long time but then he could actually _see_ again but he wish he couldn’t.

The members were littered around the living room, drowning in their own sorrow.

He couldn’t bear the melancholy and the teary eyes and the pain clouding the air and he knew it was time to retreat into his room.

That meant that it was also time to say goodbye because once he was up there, he wasn’t going to see the others again.

The thought alone that this was going to be the end was enough to almost sent him crashing to the floor, but he didn’t want to give in. He was _not_ going to spend his last few moments in fear and panic and everything negative. 

He wanted to be able to treasure and enjoy the time he had left. Was that even remotely possible? He didn’t quite think it was, but he needed to try.

So with that, he was the first to move and slipped away from Minho’s embrace.

He reached the maknae first, the boy sandwiched between Hyunjin and Seungmin. He crouched down in front of him and patting his head. The younger didn’t acknowledge him and he had to admit that it hurt a bit, but the sympathetic look Hyunjin sent him made it a bit less hurtful.

Jisung fell to his knees and pulled the three in for an uncomfortable hug, but none of them complained and leaned into him.

‘’Thank you guys, for everything,’’ he managed to choke out, blinking rapidly to prevent himself from crying, ‘’I’m so grateful that I got to know you,’’

‘’If only we didn’t spend so much time fighting when we were trainees…,’’ Hyunjin choked out but Jisung wasn’t heaving it.

‘’It doesn’t matter Hyunjin. We have long since caught up,’’ Jisung stated, trying to sound stern in an attempt to keep this from turning into some kind of sobbing-fest.

The taller just nodded and smiled at him, ‘’Yeah, didn’t take long to become your best friend. I will fight anyone who dares to say we’re not,’’

Then Jisung had to move because the look in Hyunjin’s eyes was too much to handle. So with a last hug and a pat, he straightened himself up and shuffled over to Changbin.

He was just in arms-reach when he got pulled into a crushing hug by the older.

They didn’t speak, just held onto each other and that was fine. Jisung knew that Changbin was aware of how much he meant to Jisung so there was no need to voice it.

Then he moved to Woojin and Felix, the two staring at the floor as they held hands. 

‘’Hey,’’ Jisung whispered, taking both of their hands, ‘’Look at me,’’

Woojin did but Felix just shook his head and shrunk into himself.

‘’Lixie, please look at me,’’ Jisung tried to coax, but it didn’t work.

He let out a sigh and turned to Woojin, the older letting go of his hand to gently wipe away the wetness on Jisung’s face. Jisung let himself melt into the touch but it was gone all too soon.

‘’I’m very proud of you Sungie. So, so proud,’’ Woojin smiled at him.

How could Jisung keep himself from crying hearing that?

Apparently it did the trick and Felix looked up, reaching out to wipe the wetness away from Jisung’s face.

With much difficulty he stepped away from the pair and moved over to Chan, the guy leaning against the wall and a hand covering his eyes.

Jisung gently pried them away and pulled the older in for a hug.

Another minute passed and Jisung felt Chan relax.

‘’You always have been my baby and always will be,’’ Chan whispered as he swayed them from left to right, ‘’But don’t tell Minho I said that because he will take it wrong and I don’t want your overly-protective boyfriend to deck me in the face again,’’

Jisung actually snorted at that but the feeling of joy was fleeting and gone within the blink of an eye.

‘’I love you hyung. Thank you for helping that scrawny fifteen-year-old. I owe you so much,’’

‘’Uno reverse-card,’’ the older muttered out as he let go, ‘’And it is me that owes you. All of you. I would’ve long given up if you hadn’t convinced me to stay. And I would have been nowhere without the rest as well,’’

There was a quick tap on his nose and Jisung’s face scrunched together, earning him a watery chuckle from Chan.

He waddled back to Minho and the older spread his arms, waiting for Jisung’s to walk right into them. He did and took a deep inhale, feeling oddly at peace. Well, peace wasn’t quite the right word. It was more like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders and chest, leaving room for him to breathe properly.

Then Minho let him go and walked over the others and it was like he had set everything into motion.

Suddenly, Chan was over at Felix and Minho was wrapped in Woojin’s embrace. Seungmin was crying into Changbin’s shoulder and Hyunjin was wiping Jeongin’s tears…

God, how much he hated this.

He hated how he wouldn’t see the members ever again. He hated that he was never going to get woken up again by Jeongin poking his head just to annoy him, or Felix dragging him into a corner of the practise room to cuddle during a break, or him and Changbin bouncing off each other in the recording studio and pushing Chan’s buttons, or Woojin silently opening the door to their bedroom and peaking his head inside to see if they were sleep, or Seungmin turning up in the bathroom during showers and creeping him out and making one of his weird noises before leaving, or Hyunjin staying behind to patiently help him out with dancing…

The list went on and on and Jisung was grateful to have had each and everyone of them in his life.

His short but wonderful life. 

Things were a lot less dramatic than he had anticipated. There was no frantic running around in panic, no screaming or yelling...

And he was really grateful for that.

Jisung blinked away the tears and shot one look at Minho and the guy was next to him in an instant, lacing their fingers together and gently tugging him to the stairs. 

Jisung turned his head to look back one more time and saw that the others had separated into smaller groups as well, talking in hushed voices and silent tears.

He said a last goodbye in his head and turned back to Minho. The older’s eyes were darting all over the place as they climbed the stairs and it made Jisung incredibly sad knowing that Minho seemed to be so stressed.

And when they got to the top of the stairs, Minho planted his heels in the floor and came to a grinding halt.

‘’Hyung?,’’

The older spun around and Jisung’s heart broke when he saw the silent tears streaming down Minho’s face.

His own eyes welled up again and he tried to give the older a reassuring smile, but he wasn’t sure if the corners of his mouth were pointing upwards of downwards.

‘’I can’t,’’ Minho rasped out, grimacing, ‘’I can’t,’’

Jisung didn’t understand what Minho was trying to say, but he figured it was best to get to their bedroom first and figure it out then. So he squeezed the older’s hand and stepped past him and gently tugged him with him.

It was when Minho closed the bedroom door behind him that the older slumped down to the floor, dragging Jisung down with him because of the iron grip on his hand.

‘’I love you. I love you,’’ Minho stuttered out as he sneaked his arms around Jisung’s waist and pulled him into his lap, ‘’I don’t want to die. I don't want _you_ to die. I want to stay here with you,’’

Jisung’s vision burred even more and a shaky breath left his lips.

‘’I love you too hyung,’’ he whispered, moving his hand to lay on the side of the older’s neck, ‘’And I’m not going anywhere and neither are you,’’

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

Deep down he had hoped that Minho would manage to ground him, to keep his calm and make sure they’d spend their last minutes in peace. Stupid of him to hope for that. 

It hurt.

But at the same time it got confirmed once more that Minho was as terrified about not being able to see each other anymore as he was.

A small comfort.

Almost non-existent, more like it.

‘’You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met,’’ Minho whispered as he looked at him with tears in his eyes.

And that’s when the dam broke.

Jisung just couldn’t hold it in anymore and he broke down sobbing, letting his head fall into Minho’s chest.

It hurt.

But the words masked some of it and that made them so bittersweet.

Something beeped and Jisung came out of hiding and shot his head down to see where the sound was coming from. It turned out that the little panel on the oxygen tank was informing them that they were severely running out of time.

The screen was red and flickering on and off and Jisung knew what that meant.

Five minutes.

They had about five more minutes of air to breathe before it ran out.

He should panic. Jisung knew that it should sent the adrenaline rushing through his veins, but it didn’t do that.

A weird calm washed over him and the crying stopped, just like any movement despite the voice in the back of his mind telling him to _run_. Where to? Everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Away. Just, away from here.

But Minho was here.

So instead, he tugged at the older’s shirt to make him look at him. Minho did, but his eyes were full of panic and fear.

‘’I-I have t-to turn it off!,’’ Minho suddenly rushed out, voice laced with despair as he pushed Jisung back a bit and startled fiddling with the oxygen tank, ‘’You have to t-take it a-and get to the w-warehouse,’’

Jisung reached out on instinct and got a hold of the older’s wrists, his heart clenching painfully and the tears increasing.

Minho was trying to give him more time, even if it meant cutting his own time short.

It was bittersweet and the younger swore he had never felt this loved before, but he wasn’t going to let Minho die before him just to give him a minute or two more.

If he was going to die together with Minho, so be it.

He wouldn’t want it any other way.

‘’Stop it,’’ Jisung rushed out, tightening his hold on the older’s wrists, ‘’Stop…,’’

The older shook his head and continued to struggle, pushing Jisung off his lap and springing to his feet, dragging Jisung up with him.

Minho’s eyes were darting all over the place and looked distant.

Jisung did the only thing he could come up with at the moment and headbutted the older. Minho let out a groan but finally stilled, looking at him with wide eyes.

‘’Hyung, stop,’’ Jisung sniffled, letting go of the older’s wrist and sliding their way up and looping them around Minho’s neck, ‘’It won’t make a difference. The only thing it would accomplish is me having to watch you go before me, right in front of my eyes,’’

Somewhere in the middle his voice had broke but he had managed to finish it.

The sorrow in the other’s eyes got replaced by something much warmer, something so loving that it left Jisung breathless for a second.

Jisung still wasn’t quite used to it, those eyes looking at him like he was the reason the earth was still spinning, like Jisung was the reason the stars lit up the night-sky.

The beginning of the end.

Or the end of their beginning?

Either way, they were running out of time and the prospect of their inevitable demise suddenly caught up with him and brought an ache that Jisung hadn’t experienced before. 

It wrapped around his heart and throat, leaving him terrified in its hold.

‘’I know sweetheart, I know,’’ Minho finally sighed out, ‘’I’m sorry. I just feel like I need to do everything I can,’’

A beep.

Four minutes left.

Jisung’s heart thumped uncomfortably but he forced a smile on his lips, hoping it would comfort the older, ‘’There’s nothing we can do hyung. It’s okay. You did well,’’

Then Minho let out a watery sob again and wrapped his arms around Jisung’s waist and in turn, Jisung pulled the older closer.

And they stayed like that until they heard another beep.

Three minutes.

How had three hours turned into three minutes so quickly? Jisung didn’t understand how time had slipped away from them without them really noticing.

It hurt.

Three minutes.

That was about the length of one song, the cooking time of that instant ramen he really liked, the time it took to make the trip from their practise room to the vending machine and back…

It was so short.

And even though Jisung had told himself that he wasn’t going to spend his last moments on earth feeling sad, he couldn’t help but mirror Minho’s previous sob.

The arms around him tightened and his back started to ache from the angle, but he wasn’t bothered. What bothered him was that the love of his life was just as much of a mess as he was.

Beep.

Two minutes.

‘’I love you,’’ Jisung sobbed, fingers digging into the back of Minho’s neck.

He loved Minho so so much.

Minho was the most wonderful person had ever encountered, he was the most warm and gentle person Jisung knew and had never failed to calm him down or show how much he loved Jisung.

And he wished it hadn’t taken the end of the world for him to realise that they’d both been so stupid. If only they’d closed that remaining gap earlier, Jisung might’ve been more okay with dying. He would’ve had more time to get swept away by everything Minho was and wasn’t.

‘’I love you too,’’ Minho whispered, ‘’So, so much. You are my everything,’’

Jisung took a shaky exhale and it unfortunately came out as a pained wail, bouncing off the walls and back into his ears.

The tank beeped again and signalled they had one minute left and that was when Jisung finally admitted that this was the end and that there was nothing he could do about it.

But he couldn’t find it in himself to lament the fact that he was going to be gone from this world, but he lamented the fact that he was not going to see Minho anymore.

Death was inevitable and he did not fear it, but he feared not being with Minho very much, to the point he struggled to keep himself from freaking out and breathing too rapidly.

He wanted to stay with Minho until the end and his end was going to come too soon if he’d use his precious oxygen too carelessly.

So he straightened up and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down, trying to focus on Minho’s hand caressing the skin on his back.

Another beep.

Thirty seconds.

‘’Sung,’’ 

The older tapped his arm and Jisung got the message. He unwrapped his arms from Minho’s neck and leaned back to look at Minho, just as the older’s hands slipped away from his waist.

Minho’s hands softly lay on Jisung’s mask and his own and he looked at Jisung for permission. The younger was confused for a second and then he got it.

He nodded and sucked in a sharp breath.

Then his mask was gone and lips landed on his, soft and gentle and warm and salty from tears.

There were no fireworks going off in his head, no sun coming out from the clouds and no rainbows or unicorns, but there was warmth and desperation and love and Jisung clung unto Minho and tugged the older closer.

If you had asked Jisung a couple of years back, he had never imagined finding himself in this situation. Sure, the moment he had seen the older he had felt this pull and shortly after forming the project-team he had daydreamed about Minho kissing him, but none of his daydreams had been about some kind of apocalypse and death.

He had imagined shy giggles and dark corners and cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

It turned out to be none of that though, but Jisung wouldn’t have it any other way.

And it was all too soon that Jisung felt the consequences from holding his breath.

There was a pounding in his head, his lungs started to burn and his heart picking up its pace in an attempt to circulate his blood as quickly as possible, to get any remnants of oxygen to his most important vitals to keep him alive for just a second longer.

His eyes shot open on instinct, seeing Minho’s own eyes shooting open for a second as well.

Jisung let out a whimper but instead of letting his instincts take over and pull away from Minho to make an attempt to breathe, he stubbornly pushed it away and dug his fingers into the back of the older’s neck.

But then his mouth opened on its own and he tried to breath and his throat closed up and he chastised this built-in reflex to breathe.

His vision started to blur, the edges growing nauseatingly fuzzy and the room spun and he just _had_ to close his eyes again.

He managed to seal his lips again and press them back on Minho’s, the older letting out an almost inaudible hum.

And then Jisung could feel his legs starting to give out, Minho’s arms shaking as he held him up on his feet.

Jisung was sure that it was only a matter of seconds now and it got confirmed when he felt himself sinking down and his lips slipping away from Minho’s.

Another inhale.

Still nothing.

No.

No.

He didn’t want to go.

He still had to tell Minho he loved him, again.

He still had to kiss Minho some more.

He still had to thank him.

He still had to let him know that he had been the reason he had felt happy while living in this hell.

But there was only so much sheer willpower could do and his body decided it was done. 

The next attempted inhale made his insides thump loudly as they screeched for air, his throat clamping shut on him and weird choking-noises bouncing off the walls.

He barely registered crashing to the floor and his head bouncing against the floorboards and the weight landing on top of him.

The only thing that passed his mind was Minho.

Minho.

Minho.

Minho.

And he wished he could open his eyes and look at the older just one last time, that he could say how much he loved him one more time.

But this wasn’t a fairy tale and Jisung couldn’t feel his body anymore at this point and his head felt as if it was going to explode.

‘’I love you,’’ a voice above him squeezed out, so faint that Jisung was sure he’d imagined it.

He wanted to say those exact words so bad, but it wasn’t possible.

So instead he kept saying them in his head, wishing that they’d still somehow made it to the person it was meant for.

Tears burned as they trickled down his face and he wanted to wipe them away, get rid of the evidence of the pain, but he couldn’t.

Something soft brushed his lips and then it was gone again, the weight on top of him heavier and crushing his lungs even more.

It was awful, but he couldn’t bring himself to hate his last moments. 

He had been happy.

Truly happy.

Even though they had been desperate and crying, he had been happy that he had shared that last moment with Minho.

And with one last attempt to inhale, his world narrowed and his conscious slipped away between the cracks, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as his oxygen-deprived mind formed images of Minho smiling down on him as they lay in that beautiful field.

And then,

Nothing.

No more endless fields of purple plants, no more laughter, no more pretty sunset and no more Minho tackling him to the ground and kissing him like his life depended on it.

Just,

Nothing.

_If we had five more minutes of air to breathe,_

_And we cried all through it,_

_But you spend them with me._

_On our last few drags of air, we agree._

_I was, and you were_

_Happy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how are we feeling?  
> I am sad.
> 
> But no worries! Probably gonna upload one heck of a fluffy one shot later because I need to do some self-healing so if anyone needs something _nice_ to clean the palate, check back in in a couple of hours :)


End file.
